DEAR BLOG,

Ohgod, im damn sad now T.T
i just came back from the Mount Pleasant Animal Hospital.
My dad, me & my 2nd bro brought my dog thr.
My this dog has been w us for alrd 11yrs.
Past few days she has not been eating & drinking. and kept vomitting.
She cldnt walk, v weak. She just lay in the balcony everyday..
So we thought she was old, and intended to bring her to the vet to put to sleep.
But whn the vet did a simple check up, she said our dog has an infection in th uterus, and has lead to a kidney problem.
Tht explains why she was weak and all tht.
If she undergo the surgery and it's successful, our dog can survive & be normal for a few more years. But... the surgery costs over a thousand dollars.
Ofcourse i want to keep my dog alive, but im not the one paying for it.
My dad is, and he cant afford it. so ... we had no choice.
They prepared everything, and we waited outside.
Aft tht they called us and go into a small room to see our dog for the last time.
I rly didnt want her to leave T.T
aft awhile, my dad didnt have time alrd, so he asked the doctor in.
thn he started injecting her ...
I was still thinking of whether to go out or stay thr.
Becos if i noe i go out, im not a good owner. & i ofcourse want to be beside her before she leaves.
But.. if i dont go out, i will see her go... and i will cry.
so, in the end i stayed.
He started injecting her, my dog started to lose all her strength.
And while he was still injecting, few secs ltr, my dog had no more strength.
Her head just fell onto the table .. i heard the 'bang' sound aft she hit th table T.T
Can u imagine if u slp in class, and u lie down on ur hand for too long, ur hand becomes numb.
You try to raise it up and it just falls onto the table, u cant control it or move. Or whn ur legs are numb and u just cant stand up.. yes.. tht's exactly how my dog felt.
Her head just landed on the table with a 'bang' sound.
YOU NOE, SHE WAS JUST LOOKING AT US.
i guess she didnt know she was gng to be put to slp.
& SHE WAS JUST LOOKING AT US, & SHE SUDDENLY JUST BLACKED OUT.
just died like tht ...
I was like omg... i felt damn cruel seriously. we cldve saved her if not for financial probs.
SHE CLDVE LIVED FOR FEW MORE YEARS! FUCK!*
if she died becos of old age, yeah thts understandable.
but it wasnt time for her to leave yet! she cldve undergo the surgery and be cured!
she cldve become a happy dog agn aft th surgery & can live for few more years, grow old and die naturally.. but no... we didnt give her tht chance to ...
you noe, this is like forcing someone to die.... FUCK FUCK FUCK!* im sorry my dear dog T.T
i felt like a murderer.
and yah, aft her head fell, i cldnt bear to go on looking. i broke down in tears ..
I was asking myself, how can i actually let my dog go in this manner ...
Although it's peaceful but ... it's not time for her to go yet.
& although thr's no pain, but ... she wasnt prepared for it.
It's like, sucking up all her strength, making her no strength to move, and aft tht, lose her breath.
&... just gone like tht .. it's the same as just stabbing someone in th heart T.T
The doctor then examined her agn, for abt 1 min, and said my dog's gone .. her eyes were open.
At fers whn her head fell, her eyes were still open, i thot she was still looking at us.
But whn th doc said she's gone, and her eyes were still open, i was like ohgod...
So mayb whn her head fell, she alrd cldnt see us. T.T
i will nvr fgt all this ... becos i was seeing it w my own eyes.
& i said to myself, she could have lived on .. if only i didnt anyhow spend all my working money ... sigh.
& my dog, also didnt know she was gng to be put to slp.
HER EYES WERE OPEN OKAY!! T.T i feel sorry. she was looking at us, seeing her being put to slp.
yet she cant say anything. we also dont noe whether she wants to go or not.
And i can do nth abt it. I saw her one last time, and th doctor closed th door.
All i can say is, I'm sorry doggie .. ): im rly sorry.
Im sorry i cant do anything to save you.
I will nvr fgt ur 11yrs with us. this dog, has alws accompanied me whn i was bored or whn i was sad.
She is v clever. she knew when i was sad and she wld come sit beside me.
She's been a v good dog, and well-trained. the best dog ive ever had.
I used to play w her everyday whn i was young.
But for th past few years, ive neglected her ...
Now i learn to cherish things before they're gone.. but it's too late.
I wanted to take her ashes home aft cremation, but my 2nd bro say dowan. zzz.
I dont know why? yah so... my dad opt for the mass cremation.
Sigh, goodbye doggie. i will nvr fgt you. i'll miss you ):
Sorry for being so emotional in this post.
But im rly v sad now. so yah... i dont think i'll have the mood to talk for the next few days bah.
The pictures are still in my mind & will remain thr, mayb forever ... everytime i think abt her being injected & her head fell onto the table, and her eyes were actually open, i just cant control my tears..
Mayb i shd also follow the 'no celebration for 100days'. like for human beings.
Becos my dog is like a family member to me.
I used to cry over movies whn the dogs died.
But who wldve known, tht mine wld be so soon ...
Crying over th movies wasnt as bad as this. becos th dog isnt yours & you have not developed any feelings for it. it's just sympathy.
But witnessing your own dog, wch has spent 11yrs w you, die right before your eyes is 100times worse.
I'm sorry doggie.
& yes, feel free to come back. we'll be waiting, always. <3

♥ doggie. RIP. we'll miss you ): this is my fat dog.. given away alrd.also my prev dog, bro's ex gf take go liao.

& now im left w no dogs ...

yours truly @ 4:53 PM