DEAR BLOG,

im so god damn tired today. lol.
woke up at 7.10 am, bathe, prepare, asked daddy fetch me to tpy meet dom.
took bus to school, took th tin, den went off to united macs.
they eat till 9plus, den split into 4 grps go collect money.
i go wif teckcheng and kaikiat. we went orchard. wah, so hard collect lahs!
tmd, so many at thr collect also. sad.
den got one ahma, i nvr ask, she ownself put. LOL.
den hor, at traffic light. got this grp of girls, they also collecting money, but they put into mine. lol?
they dno how put in their own. i see le i chuatio siah. i was like omg. den i looked at tc and kk.
den they put le hor, they damn happy. i dno why. LOL.
they were jumping in joy, den show th 'twist' O.O
i see le. wah, can ownself put dowan, want put gif me. hahaha.
okay, so all th way at orchard lor. den at th somerset mrt near thr, slack.
den agn, got a father gif th baby put money into our tin. so cute siah she, want put all in my tin.
LOL. but actually is meant for 3 of us de. so i take away my tin, ask her put in kk de.
so .. th whole day, is not i ask ppl donate.
is they ownself put in de. LOL. pro right? haha.
so at 11+ called kwong.
tmd, all go parklane. sua lor. den me, tc and kk go back novena.
slack till like 12.15, walked back to skul.
gif back tin, waited for dom they all.
met jiawen, i go change shorts.
den all walk go novena, change, den took cab to wildwildwet! :D
got me, jiawen, dom, wallace, mengkit, baldric, renyong, nelson, kianwei, kwong, andrew.
took 3 cabs. lol!
my here got me, jiawen and wallace share one cab.
we took th last cab, and we reached thr fers.
th uncle was damn funny lah.
i started it. LOL. cos wallace sit infront den i sae 'eh put ur seat belt la.'
den th uncle start sae wht wallace is those dont follow th law one. blahblahblah. hahaha.
den th uncle and wallace like so jiao lor! both joker siah.
th uncle so open also, sae wht malay ppl de life v simple one.
age of 13, smoke, 16 haf sex, 20+ married, den 28 divorce, den marry agn. woah. hahaha.
so funny la. but somehow, TRUE! :x
th uncle also sae alot of 'da dao li' haha.
okay, so reached, wallace paid :x
den we waited for th rest to reach, queued for tickets.
& wallace asked me if i brought tampons. zzzzz. wth!
i didnt lahs, cos i cannot find it at home, dno throw go whr le.
den aft tht, jiawen wnar return money give wallace for taxi fare.
den i sae wallace treat mah. den he look at me.
mengkit sae wallace angry le. i sae 'wallace whr will angry me one. hor wallace hor?'
den wallace wnar laugh liao. LOL. but jiawen sae his face like dulan.
den i sae 'no lei! u see, he wnar laugh liao de.'
den he laugh le. lol!
yah, so bought tickets, went in.
they all take off shirt. den nelson th last one. SHY. HAHAHA.
me and jiawen at thr slacked fers.
waited for inessa to come.
den i go buy tampons. & hor, actually i dowan buy de
cos tampons are usually for non-virgins. LOL.
so ... yah.. you noe ..
so, went change. omg so uncomfortable la.
so in th end, changed back to pad, cos th feeling is really ...
hmmm, so inessa and jiawen joined th boys, while i just slacked.
den wallace keep ask why i not gng down, thot i alr got tampons. zzz.
i want to, but i cant haf fun with those inside .....
lol! so .. just slacked, till 5.30. called inessa, told her we got to go meet jasmine.
so we went off fers.
checked phone, 1 missed call, 3 smses.
and inessa's dad was angry wif her for not picking up phone. lol.
so yah, we cabbed home.
2 diff cab luhs.
hmmms, in cab sms jasmine. told her inessa's dad angry, and i dont haf money to go out alr.
den she sae nvm, other day. so in th end, outing cancelled.
in cab, i was so slpy alr.
reached home, died in bed.
slept till now!
i dno why i was so tired. lol.
hmmms, thts all to sae i guess? i really dno wht to sae alr.
im getting tired, so memory loss. hahaha.
update once i rmbered. <3

10.20pm
i cry, i scream, i hate & i scold myself.
but wht more can i do?
and even so, these cant solve anything.
whywhywhy? & howhowhow?
i only can ask this.
& wht more can i do abt it?
hate myself for tht, but tht doesnt solve a thing.
cry, to feel better, but it doesnt solve anything either.
so, wht now?
follow? act as if nth? go on with life!
pretend it isnt happening? BUT IT IS!
face th fact, it's reality.
but im alws pretending it's just a MAYBE. & tht it cant be.
so how now? silently, move back.
rewind, & and restart. but this isnt an easy task for me.
i want to believe tht it's happening, but thn agn, i dont want to! bcos i dont like being th 2nd.
so here, i'll just be silent. im contented now actually.
it's best like this {:

yours truly @ 8:23 PM